Toward the end of last week’s “live” episode, I talked about loving God’s patience. It was a quick comment before marveling at God’s insistence on walking with us through each and every day, through each and every experience.
I really do marvel.
Because I’m a lot of work. I refuse to let God be God. I try God’s patience on a daily basis. Yep, every day.
I love that God chooses to walk with me, but I’m forever venturing out on my own and then beseeching Him to catch up with me and clear the way when help’s needed.
Yes, I refuse to let God be God.
Last week God suffered through an hour and a half of “Please, God! Please, God!” prayers.
When I’m frantic, I resort to a pitiful litany of “Please, God! Please, God!” prayers and last Wednesday, I was a little frantic, so God heard a lot of them.
Last Wednesday I’d just left my grandson Enzo’s house when I headed north on the freeway for a doctor’s appointment in Everett. This is the greater Seattle area, so I gave myself plenty of time—except that I didn’t.
As soon as I got onto the freeway, I became part of a 2-mile backup. The overhead digital display alerted me to an accident three exits ahead.
I had no time for an accident. I called my daughter-in-law and got the number for the hospital.
I called the hospital and explained my dilemma, promising to get there as quickly as possible.
I hung up and continued my “Please, God! Please, God!” prayers as I crawled ever so slowly past the accident.
“Please, God! Please, God!”
Finally, with the snarl behind me, I raced ahead, speeding up and slowing down in order to take advantage of every open gap between cars. I moved from lane to lane, looking for the chance to make up time.
I got to the hospital at 3:30 for my 2:45 appointment.
After not-so-nicely explaining to the receptionist that I was late and needed to hurry, I was cleared for entry, my temperature checked, my contact information taken.
Dashing into the imaging department, I was greeted by a delightful young woman who suggested I catch my breath. They were 45 minutes behind and would be ready for me shortly.
Forty-five minutes behind!
Rather than thank God for the timeliness of my afternoon arrival, my first thought was, “Really! You mean if I’d been on time for my appointment, I would have been waiting 45 minutes!”
While I sat is that waiting room, God gave me another ten minutes for an attitude check.
Not only did God allow me time to find a little gratitude, a prayer of thanks for prayers and pleadings answered, but a chance to confess my ridiculous need to micromanage God.
For forty-five minutes I’d pleaded for help and then proceeded to speed up the interstate.
For forty-five minutes I’d pleaded for help and then taken matters into my own hands, weaving in and out of traffic. For forty-five minutes, I’d asked for divine intervention and then grumbled about a “what if I’d been on time” scenario.
Once again, I’d refused to let God be God. Once again, I’d discounted God’s way, His will and His when, thinking I knew best.
I try to tell myself that I’m just using God’s openings, that gap between cars—to make up time, but it’s not true. I thought I knew best.
This week I traveled the same route, returning home from another play date with Enzo.
Without realizing it, I found myself going faster and faster. One hurried Wednesday had already found me hurrying through another.
When not being a crazy driver, I continue to walk every day. On weekends Kurt joins me, giving us a mile and a half to talk through the past week, the coming week, the day. It’s forty minutes I treasure, but my dear, darling husband never knows when I’ll be ready, which direction I’ll choose to go, how fast I’ll want to walk, at which turn I’ll start complaining about the cold, the rain, the wind.
My bigger walk with God is very similar.
God knows I love my walks with Him. He knows I treasure talking with Him about the week past, the week to come, my day.
But I don’t often let God be God. He knows that I’m forever changing direction, changing speed, changing my route should life get a little cold and wet or too warm and humid, if you know what I mean, thinking I know best, if you know what I mean.
Too often I’ll head into my day, hoping, praying, pleading that God will be with me, that God will keep up with me, that God will help me when necessary, clearing the way when necessary.
I’m working through Priscilla Shirer’s study, “Discerning the Voice of God.”
This week she referenced Psalm 37:4:
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Priscilla explained that this is not about getting what we want. It’s about wanting what God wants for us. I would add that it’s also where we let God be God in our lives.
I want for us what God wants for us. I don’t want to be frantically racing through my day. It’s exhausting.
And let’s be honest, left to my own devices, I’m an accident waiting to happen. And that’s not what God wants for me or for you.
How are you able to let God be God?
We have a God who loves us in ways we will never understand.
We have a God who cares for us in ways we will never fully appreciate.
Our God is faithful and true.
And God is God.
It’s something to think and pray about.
Heavenly Father, You are God, our God.
We delight in You, and we pray that the desires of our heart will be the desires You have for us.
We thank you for being on this incredible journey with us.
In the name of Your dear Son, Jesus, amen.
Deanna is the author of two books, Fruit of My Spirit and Signs in Life.
